The Eli Porter Documentary “I Deed It”

[vimeo http://vimeo.com/26585091]

Posted above is a 34-minute documentary on Eli Porter.

For those who of you who don’t remember Eli Porter, or never knew of the existence of Eli Porter, he was a combatant in a freestyle competition at his local high school in Chamblee, Georgia. His opponent in the battle, Envy, had just started at the school and felt the need to assert his dominance in the freestyle realm by taking on Eli, who was known in the hallways for his ferocious freestyle rapping. Envy went first in the battle and seemed to have obvious advantages on Eli that went beyond rapping. Eli, to most who watched the video, seemed a bit “off” – meaning he appeared to be either physically, or mentally handicapped (before you crucify me for this comment, watch the video).

His freestyle battle against Envy ended up on YouTube in 2007 and the hilarity of Eli’s performance vaulted the video to viral fame. The battle was oft-quoted around high-school/college campuses when it first appeared due to the hilarious lines Eli spit after the abrupt pause during his round. The documentary is really well put together, and enjoyable to watch, even if you have little interest in rapping, or know little of the back story.

Here is a link to the original YouTube video for those who want information on what the documentary is centered around:

The unsolved mystery of fast food restaurants

The unsolved mystery of fast food restaurants

“Can you please pull up? We will have your food out in just a minute.”

When you hear those words uttered by an employee at the drive through of  a fast food joint, you know you are going to be sitting in your car for awhile.

Even when there are zero people behind you in the drive through, fast food employees are quick to ask you to move up and I, personally, don’t understand the logic behind it.

Pulling up always moves you closer to a trash can. Yes, those trash cans are convenient when you exit the fast food area on your way home so you can quickly dispose of trash accumulated in your vehicle (for me, that’s a lot of trash), but they are inconveniently placed when you are asked to move forward and have to smell all the shit people have thrown in there.

I feel like employees ask you to pull forward so you don’t have to look inside the establishment. I guess their rationale is that by not being able to look in the restaurant, you are supposed to feel a lot better about life. In some respects, it’s true.

Example: a few days, at Taco Cabana, I saw an employee with a neck beard, as in beard hair was only growing on his neck. It’s a pretty disgusting look. He was also wearing a one size too small Ecko Unlimited t-shirt. For those out of the loop, Ecko Unlimited hasn’t been a popular brand for five years and has really never been a good look. The shirts feature oddly colored rhinoceros with really weird designs surrounding the rhino – it seemed cool when jncos were popular, for a perspective on how much fashion has evolved.

But pulling up really just gives you nothing to do. You can’t give dirty looks to employees who have nothing to do with your food taking a long time; you have nothing to look at except a parking lot and parking lots are pretty boring on the whole.

In conclusion – I just don’t get the whole ‘please pull up thing,’ especially when nobody is waiting behind you in line. It doesn’t make me feel better, it just gives me less ways to vent my frustrations, which in turn makes me more angry.

Bonus Ecko Unlimited picture:

Even the most talented fighters in the world look incredibly stupid sporting Ecko Unlimited

Trying to get out of work early…

And then realizing you left your glasses at work is kind of disheartening. Damn.

 

You know the Winter Olympics are irrelevant when…

How many people legitimately knew the host of the 2018 Winter Olympics was being announced tomorrow?

There is this guy on the verge of being removed from my facebook, who gives play by plays of his sleep and eating schedule, who didn’t even bother to post a single passing facebook status about the announcement of the Winter Olympics. The guy lets us know what his teacher is wearing before every class, yet he hasn’t made a single comment about the Winter Olympic announcement.

Somewhere, Apolo Anton Ohno just cried a single tear.

Wolfman Bean

Wolfman Bean, five years later, still showing people how to get shit done: