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The unsolved mystery of fast food restaurants

13 Jul

The unsolved mystery of fast food restaurants

“Can you please pull up? We will have your food out in just a minute.”

When you hear those words uttered by an employee at the drive through of  a fast food joint, you know you are going to be sitting in your car for awhile.

Even when there are zero people behind you in the drive through, fast food employees are quick to ask you to move up and I, personally, don’t understand the logic behind it.

Pulling up always moves you closer to a trash can. Yes, those trash cans are convenient when you exit the fast food area on your way home so you can quickly dispose of trash accumulated in your vehicle (for me, that’s a lot of trash), but they are inconveniently placed when you are asked to move forward and have to smell all the shit people have thrown in there.

I feel like employees ask you to pull forward so you don’t have to look inside the establishment. I guess their rationale is that by not being able to look in the restaurant, you are supposed to feel a lot better about life. In some respects, it’s true.

Example: a few days, at Taco Cabana, I saw an employee with a neck beard, as in beard hair was only growing on his neck. It’s a pretty disgusting look. He was also wearing a one size too small Ecko Unlimited t-shirt. For those out of the loop, Ecko Unlimited hasn’t been a popular brand for five years and has really never been a good look. The shirts feature oddly colored rhinoceros with really weird designs surrounding the rhino – it seemed cool when jncos were popular, for a perspective on how much fashion has evolved.

But pulling up really just gives you nothing to do. You can’t give dirty looks to employees who have nothing to do with your food taking a long time; you have nothing to look at except a parking lot and parking lots are pretty boring on the whole.

In conclusion – I just don’t get the whole ‘please pull up thing,’ especially when nobody is waiting behind you in line. It doesn’t make me feel better, it just gives me less ways to vent my frustrations, which in turn makes me more angry.

Bonus Ecko Unlimited picture:

Ecko Unlimited t-shirt

Even the most talented fighters in the world look incredibly stupid sporting Ecko Unlimited


Trying to get out of work early…

8 Jul

And then realizing you left your glasses at work is kind of disheartening. Damn.


Wolfman Bean

5 Jul

Wolfman Bean, five years later, still showing people how to get shit done:

Sorry for the lack of updates, bros

2 Jul

Sometimes work takes precedence over blog updates. Next week should be a little better, so I’m going to try and update like a mad man. Stay tuned.

Southwest Airlines has good customer service?

22 Jun

My reaction to the following report:

plain face

I wear beanies when it's 90-degrees outside

You know the economy is doing bad when….

Southwest Airlines and Pizza Hut have been named as the customer-satisfaction leaders in their respective industries.


So the basic process at Pizza Hut is like “Hey, I’m going to get [insert pizza type here] and I’m going to pick it up” and the person on the other end goes “Eh, alright bro it’s going to be about 30 minutes – see ya then!”

So is the fact it’s such an easy process that no employee, no matter how incompetent, could possibly mess it up the reason why customer satisfaction is so positive?  I have never left a Pizza Hut and gone ‘damn, they really did a great job with their service today, splendid job Pizza Hut.’ If anything, my opinion is usually ‘thanks Pizza Hut for not screwing anything up .’

Same holds for Southwest Airlines.

I think your expectation level is just lower with Southwest Airlines and Pizza Hut. You expect to get average service at a low price. As long as your flight details and pizza aren’t completely fucked up, you generally leave feeling good about the service you received.

In the restaurant category, Olive Garden was right behind Pizza Hut.

Thankfully I haven’t been to an Olive Garden more than twice in my life so I can’t really comment its quality, but I refuse to believe Olive Garden provides a high-quality service. They give you unlimited bread sticks and pasta in hopes that you are too fat to leave the restaurant after lunch and are forced to stay there for dinner. What kind of quality is that?

If you want to read more about the list click here. I pretty much said everything that needs to be said, but if you need proof that what I typed is fact, there ya go.

Needling gas station employee

18 Jun

I strongly dislike the head honcho at my local gas station.

He gives me step-by-step instructions once I’ve swiped my debit card that are highly unnecessary.

I swipe my card.

“Press the green button.”

I press the green button.

He yells out “pin, pin, enter your pin!”

I enter in my pin number and he continues the needling.

“Press the green button.”

“Cash back?!”

First of all, can I have some time to contemplate my purchase? Can I gather myself and look at the total price of my purchase before you yell at me to accept? Maybe I decided you over-priced your Gatorade this quarter and I want to downgrade to Powerade. Maybe I want to make a last minute addition of a gallon of gas?  Why are you in such a rush for me to complete my debit card transaction when I am the only customer in the store?

On top of that, why does he think I’m such an idiot that I can’t figure out how to use a machine that prompts me with instructions?  Does he think I read too slow and need the abrasive verbal instructions? Does he think pressure is going to help me complete my purchase?

It’s also frustrating because I go in the store pretty often and I would think he would realize I know the routine by now. Swipe, press some green buttons, put in my pin, don’t get cash back and I’m out. After seeing me an average of 2-3 times a week for more than 2 months, you would think he would take the training wheels off and allow me to try to do it on my own. You would think I’ve earned the respect of trying to complete a transaction without having my hand held, but no, he continues to antagonize me and make me feel incompetent.

The head of my local gas station is a jerk. Next time I’m going to blow his mind and come in the store with cash money. We will see who is barking out instructions then, good sir.


White People Dancing

14 Jun

The following picture is a cautionary tale for all white people who have a little bit too much to drink and think it is a good idea to dance.  Specifically, older white drunk people who decide it is a good idea to dance.  You could end up looking like these people at the music festival I went to last weekend.  Not a good sight.

White People Dancing